The Stockbroker and the Mermaid
I AM THE MERMAID FROZEN IN THE LOGO. AND I WANT MY NIPPLES BACK!
First, the broker: You are confessing your love of Starbucks because of its constant expansion. "I love investing in Starbucks. I love to go to Karachi and find that my investment welcomes me-- there she is - the green fish-woman in that beautiful logo, another damn Starbucks!"
The church member across the table (can be any gender, of course) turns to the broker and says "Excuse me, but why did you Starbucks people air-brush off the nipples of the Fish-goddess? Her navel is gone too." He replies paternalistically, "Well, ma'am, back in 96 we went into more conservative demographics like Ohio and Dubai -- the old logo was actually quite sexy. Can't have that!" The church member replies "Oh, why do that predictable phallic thing? Expand schmexpand. Just breathe and float in the mermaid's ocean, feel the soft protection of her lovely womb." He edges away from the nut. But she is getting angry. "Look at her in the logo. She is the oceanic fertility goddess of the sea. She is Pina and Fan and Sheel-a-nagig!"
The stockbroker gets a call on the cell. It's the New York Stock Exchange calling. Starbucks has announced a thousand more coffeeshops in Africa and the stockbroker has made $100,000 in the last ten minutes. He leaps us from the chair! ANOTHER TRIPLE LATTE FOR ME! THE MERMAIDS TAKING THE SUBSAHARA LIKE A PACK OF F-16'S!" This trips something in our church member. A mermaid starts to move within her, to kick, to be born. The woman is undulating. We hear a long beautiful moan from the primeval underwater caves. To the astonishment of our Wall Streeter, this mermaid is swimming to the surface. She is a great fish. "WHAT AM I? I AM BECOMING! I AM THE MERMAID FROZEN IN THE LOGO. AND I WANT MY NIPPLES BACK!" Then she stands on the chair, and then the table. (Careful!) She addresses the whole Starbucks, "YES I AM THE STARBUCKS MERMAID AND I AM GETTING MY NIPPLES BACK!"
More women rise from surrounding tables. They swim through the Starbucks, out onto the sidewalk and into the next Starbucks. More mermaids emerge, more mermaids, bare-breasted and undulating their fins, it's the Mermaid Parade let loose in the city. "We are the mermaids who swam out of the Starbucks logo, and we have our power!"
Tell us your ecstatic story in the comments! What did your mermaid wear? Did you post pictures or video?