Cellphone Opera Number One

Good with between 15 and 25 church members. Enter the store as single shoppers. No-one knows anyone else. The Church members pretend not to know each other, but everyone has essentially the SAME story. Each of you has been sent by a wife or husband on an errand -- to go to this store and buy something for a child's birthday. But one by one you get on your cellphones to object to the choice of gift. The store gradually fills with voices calling home. All of you are disagreeing with that wife or husband who sent you -- you refuse to buy the assigned gift. The ferocity of a marriage spat is a very powerful force; phrases like, "Look DEAR! Excuse me HONEY!" -- make renta-cops evaporate. If someone does shush you, well, agree and apologize -- continue with a harsh whisper through clenched teeth. (Nothing is louder.) Make up some refusenik theater: "Do you think Cindy should idolize this Snow White doll? This little wasp waist, c'mon! Oh! Oh! I see - so wome's rights never happened is that it? Excuse me Ralph -- why am i here? Why am I buying this LITTLE PLASTIC SLUT? ARE YOU TRYING TO ASK ME TO LOSE WEIGHT?"

It is most effective to let the volume of the army of kvetchers stay at a realistic level, then rise very gradually, on maestro-like signals from the AM -- so that the social conscience of our innocent browser can be excited several times as he or she walks into the voice-range of one phone call after another. A variation: A wife and a husband suddenly collide with each other shrieking, in front of the Pocahantas pajama sets -- they were talking on cell phones but both thought the other one was at home. "What are you doing here? No YOU told ME to buy this... this sweatshop- piece of garbage!" At which point the marriage spat about the gift for Kimmy is free to continue LIVE AND NASTY!

The Action Manager is, as always, on the look-out from the most all-seeing spot, usually near the front-door, or by a large window. The signal to leave comes from the AM, but we have found that we can usually continue our cellphone conversations as we process out.

Tell us of your community orchestra in the comments! Ruckus-a-lujah!