Virtually Hip -- for Larry, Curly and Moe

This is a comedy for the Larry, Curly and Moe of anti-consumerism. The Action is adaptable to any of the BOBO (bourgeois bohemian) chain stores that pretend to be arty, a destination for the hapless scene-maker or taste-follower; Anthologie, Crate and Barrel, Urban Outfitters, Starbucks. Take these three Stooges-like over-the-top characters and improvise from there.

As you wander around the store, Hipster #1 feels like he dodged a bullet -- he doesn't have to figure out what might be hip anymore. He's SO RELIEVED that the hip decisions have been made by the mysterious gods of retail. He says "Wow, I'm virtually hip! I wanted to be hip all my life and now I'm IN." Hipster #2? He just keeps saying, "Wow I am SO HIGH -- this shit is SO GOOD. I'm SAILING. oooh... I'm sailing over the edge. This stuff goes to my source, right to my source. I got to experience this, MORE of this, cause WOW. I'M VIRTUALLY HIP!" And Hipster #3: "I'm completely taken care of. I don't have to make have any political values at all. I'm free of "having a position" or "feeling involved" all that HORSESHIT. Yeah, baby, I will never, oh man, all that GUILT! Gone. I am so post-social, baby. I mean I'm SO social. I mean, I don't what I mean -- I'm passing out. I'm VIRTUALLY HIP."

So: The first hipster has virtual taste, the second virtual physical sensation, and the third virtual social connection. And they are funny in the tradition of the Three Stooges if their three kinds of know-nothingism are performed like fast hand-to-hand contact: biffing each other, farting, belching, apologizing, walking into walls, failing to shop like a civilized human being. This has tremendous dramatic possibilities! The bourgeois bohemian raised to the level of inspired pratfalling. Videotape this.

We would love to hear your stories in the comments! Tell us about your hipster pratfalling!